sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
