did you get engaged???
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
