I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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