I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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