Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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