It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
