did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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