I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
