she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
