I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
