I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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