I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
