His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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