just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
