I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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