If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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