It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
