I hate all girls vehemently.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
