people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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