Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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