I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
