I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
