yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
