Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
