dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need a shit load of segways right now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
