i don't like sucking hair
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
