I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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