Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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