i permit you to call me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
