I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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