i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
