I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
