He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
