Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
