She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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