My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
