Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
