So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
