Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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