how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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