dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My nipple is on Facebook.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
