I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
