Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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