Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
