i just wanna soil my oats bro
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
