I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
