is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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