i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
