Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
