guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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