my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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