it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
