Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
